Thirsty...

I know that God's ultimately in control... I know that whatever happens, no matter how unbearable or wonderful or anything in between, it's all in His hands...

As I sit here with my styrofoam bowl of melted ice cream and oreos and whipped cream and walnuts, my neuro notes from the past year splayed out before me on all 3 levels of my desk, and silence in my hallway - something I don't think I've heard for a long long time (oh the irony) - I can't help but feel like feeling nothing. I try to grasp onto whatever tingling of thought or emotion or reason that I can find, but I find instead that I can't find anything.

I think I'm being weaned off of my dependence on emotions, and I understand why that is so so important too... but heck, I don't want to be weaned off anything. :/ Merrr... Yet now I do find myself sitting in a pile of chaos, feeling nothing in the face of more chaos. And all I can do is cling onto what I do know - that God is ultimately in control and that it's all in His hands...

And I can look back, I've been blessed to be able to look back to the past few months, even the past few days, and see that regardless of what my short memory and emotions and weak convictions may tell me, He is there and He is sovereign. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord! Thank you for changing hearts...

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