Ass-u-me

You can never assume anything... And when people say, "oh, it's safe to assume that _________", I just think to myself that it's impossible. I too am guilty of assuming... too often, too often.

I think that's why it's so important to ask, to check up, to clarify - but maybe not every situation allows for that? Then you have to find another way? But that just doesn't seem right. It's like when people have a problem with someone - I think they should just tell the other person to their face. I think that's the most respectful and loving - rather than going to someone else about it first... I guess that each situation would be different though. There may be times when you won't be able to tell that person face to face in a healthy way unless you work it through in your own mind first - and maybe it helps certain people to work it through their minds by talking over it with someone else? But even if that's the case, you have to be so careful about it...

I know perfection isn't attainable - or at least, extremely difficult to do - but we can at least make a better effort and not just spew at each other behind each others' backs... Gossip is so so so easy to fall into. Especially when it's under the label of "let's pray for..." or "can you please help me with..."

It's annoying sometimes. The fact that we're terribly imperfect people makes life so hard. Mer.

So many lines.

It's 2:26 am. AHH!!! But I had a great conversation that I wish could have gone on longer...

All said though, I wish I had been there for you longer, that I had been there for you sooner, that I had done more, that I had made more effort... I'm sorry maaaaa D:

Maybe this will be the first of many more phone dates to come :) I love phone dates. Even though sometimes they may be filled with silences. That's just because I'm thinking though. Merh.

For now, I'm going to try to set up appointments and make things more intentional... dahhhh if only we had like 72 hours in a day.

Right now actually, I'd be happy to just stay up all night and keep talking. And talking, and talking and talking... like the energizer bunny, except Duracil works better. Did I spell that right?

Um, that's probably not a good idea though.

So right now, I'm feeling kind of loopy.  Not just in the sense that it's kind of late - also that everything seems to be looping together and tangling up into knots. Ok, not everything. That's a huge exaggeration. But things in general?

Tomorrow is Family Night. Actually, today is Family Night. Ahh it's Sunday!

Really, time has flown by so quickly. I feel like summer began just a couple weeks ago, rather than a whole 2 months ago. There's a big flying bug around my head. Get awaaaaayyyy

All that I need is a little more life in my day... not more minutes or more hours, but more life... And there are so many ways that could happen.

Take some time to just stop and smell the roses. Cat said this before, and I voice it again. Please, stop picking the flowers and putting them into jars and then just forgetting about them. Enjoy the beauty of the flower, the fragrance of the flower, in its state and just where it is... We don't need to snatch things before their time...

Everything just seems so shallow sometimes. Am I just really cynical at the moment? Maybe I'm just being emo. EMOOOOOO EMU

Dahh. The end.

About Learning

Once again. I was just reminded of some of my frustrations. Mostly with myself. But also with others - though I should have no reason to be?

I wrote about this once in my xanga - I think that learning by crashing and burning can be super effective - but it's much wiser to learn through others' experiences.

Yes yes, we may remember things better when we actually experience things ourselves, and sometimes that experience is so necessary for other things... Learning by feeling and experiencing can mean that we learn and remember better. Yes. I agree. BUT, I still consider it foolish to dive into something you've seen others fail multiple times in.

I think wisdom in one form is being able to learn from others' mistakes. Being able to discern what should and should not be taken from others' experiences.

To say that it's better to crash and burn often shows a lack of maturity I think - not about the person saying it necessarily, but about the person it refers to. Sure, you'll end up with a lot of battle scars, but what does that really show? It shows you have a lot of experience, and a large history of many foolish actions.

This is not to say we should not ever take risks. But there is a difference to taking a risk and taking a plain old stupid risk. I guess that's up in the air too - of what is and isn't stupid. Fine fine, because everything is a disputable matter in that case. True. There are merits to both. But this is my stance - take it or leave it.

Unnecessary

I keep thinking back to Mrs. Swiggum's blurb in BioX 3 years ago - if it's a floater, you're all good, but if it's a sinker, you need more fiber.

I need more fiber.

I really miss my mom's green beans... Mmmm so good D: I tried making them the other day, but I was minus 2 ingredients and I probably made a bad choice in my substitutions... Ah, and there was too much ginger. :/ Green beans and ginger don't seem to mix too well. Maybe it's just me.

I've also been able to finally break out of my room into the porch! Pictures to come.

One more thought - Trader Joe's instant miso soup is the worst idea ever. Or maybe it's just the worst instant miso soup ever. Mao...

And oh, so many unnecessary things. What do you do?

A day in the office

The internet was down today for about an hour...

So we cranked out the Wii and feasted on artichoke/shrimp/chicken/3 cheese pizzas. Mmmm...

It's interesting weird to see grown men, some of them well into their 60s, playing pop-the-bubbles (or whatever it's called) on that machine.

What kind of pass should I get? By the time anybody gives me a response I'll probably have boughten it already.. (is that even a word?) 59.00 for the one that gives me local bus and subway access, or 89 for the one including ferry access and express bus? I calculated it all out - all of my expected transportation costs for every day of August (ahh so OCD) So if I were to take the subway instead of the bus, I'd save about $20... but what about that opportunity cost of "just in case something happens"? Marhhhhh D: D: D:

Oh money... I've started an official tablet fund. Would anybody like to donate? :D

The ceiling fan is squeaking.

God answers prayers. I've seen it over and over again - in little ways, big ways, ways I don't realize until 5 years later - God speaks in so many ways, so many different levels, so many languages. I was talking to Malin the other day, and she told me she didn't know how to pray in English. That's alright though, because God knows every language and more...

It's funny that even though I've seen Him work things through and remain faithful to His word so many times, I still struggle to put my next "big thing" in His hands. Is it because I'm too used to humans who inevitably fail? Is it because my standards are set so low? Because I'm an OCD control freak? Or maybe I have ultra short term memory - once something comes up, all my existing knowledge is wiped out. Kind of like Wolverine! :D

I think the word, or rather, phrase, for it is "lack of faith". Oh me of little faith... I do believe Lord! Just help me not to doubt.

A confession

I'm homesick.

Every time I see a parent with his or her (but especially her) child, I start transforming into a messy.. mess.. inside.

I want to hold my parents' hands again. To hug them whenever I see them, to complain about stupid things like 妈我又需要短裤了, to cook or attempt to make 饺子 or 馄饨 or 八宝饭 with them, to go bargain shopping with my mom, to discuss the latest innovations of technology with my dad, to talk about far away worlds with Lin, to play soccer with Liang. To just see them, go to annoying Chinese potlucks with them, to be able to say good morning and good night, to eat Sunday lunches with them, or have unhealthy desserts after too-filling dinners.

Dahhhhhh

But... this just shows how much more I appreciate them... And how important family is, once again. I find it so heartbreaking when family isn't the safest place to be for someone, when someone dreads going home because they'll have to see their mother or father or sibling - when a mother or father is shunned by their child, or vice versa.

Rain, rain, go away...
But maybe, rather than always hoping for sunshine, I should instead see the beauty of rain.