Ew

A spider just crawled on my face. I brushed it off thinking it was just a hair or something... and then I looked on my sleeve and there it was. WAH

In other news though, I think I am becoming narcoleptic. Is that possible? I fall asleep in random times and places and can't seem to stop it. And now I'm paranoid of spiders. *blubberblubberblubber

Icky

I have such a big pimple on my face that it hurts when I blink.

And I am unable to focus on schoolwork. Bahhhh school! Maybe I should just never have a weekend again. Maybe then my brain won't shut off as often. =___=

Grossness continued

Maybe it's because we're really really really just that gross inside. Maybe it's because we were born and tied and bound to this sinful nature that will not leave us no matter how much we scrub... maybe it's because that's how we were destined to be in the first place, because of the first sin of man so long ago... yet the fall began before the first bite was taken - it had started in their hearts first and foremost, and that is where all our sin first takes its root too... is it not? Maybe I'm wrong too...

I look at these words and they seem very far away... I think my eyes are just tired. They've seen too much sunshine today - though I love sunshine, there's only so much I can handle at one point.

What use is a weapon that sees no wear and no sharpening? That isn't wielded in battle? That's just left there in the dust, while the one who was supposed to use it gets beaten repeatedly, in small and large ways, b/c they themselves chose not to pick it up? Or just 'forgot' it was there? What use is anything if it is not actually used?

Where is your joy truly from?

Amazing --- that Christ died for me... that He chose me long before these rainy days, before the beginnings of time and space, and that even in these times He still gives me reminders of how much He loves me, even though I feel I not deserve forgiveness (which is true) and so decide that I shouldn't ask for it (which is not good because-therefore logic, even though it sounds pretty good to me)

So today I got a really weird bruise from setup - I had no idea how it happened, but it kept growing throughout the day - so by the end of the day (now) it was just a bit blob of purple on my hand. I thought it was funny at first, but upon seeing it in the midst of my blahness, I was suddenly pummeled by this song:

The nails in your hands, the nails in your feet, they tell me how much you love me. The thorns on your brow, they tell me how you bore so much pain to love me... And when the heavens pass away, all your scars will still remain, and forever they will say how much you love me.

Forever my love, forever my heart, forever my life is yours ~

Am I not already consecrated to God? Consecration happens once for all, and it happens everyday as well... it's an active choice, as it is a choice that God has made for us too who are saved - just as we are resanctified, we are also reconsecrated to Him day by day, as we make it intentionally so... and all in the grace of God.

Grossness

Cat: Why are we so gross?
Me: I dunno..
Cat: Maybe it's b/c we're at girls schools

Quotes from the office

Referring to Jenn's flowers from Adam on Valentine's

Moses: "Dave would get a box of dead flowers. I would get a box of body parts."

Bed Bugs

WARNING! GROSS PICTURES AHEAD :(
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OK.

So. I have bedbugs!!!!! :( Sad face. They look like this: (images found on google, not in my room, though sadly, they may be in my room too, just not in this amount. hopefully.)






They look kind of like lice - I used to have lice as a kid. It was gross. Blood sucking little demons really seem to like me. Like mosquitos.

They are thin, like dark spaces, and can live up to a year without eating. AHHHH GROSS. They recently appeared (well, their bites) in my bed, though it's possible then that they've been there for a while... When the infestation is really bad, the victim can have rings of red spots around their body, EVERYWHERE. Thankfully my bites are only in single digits right now... The bites themselves are much like mosquito bites too, and are more emotionally damaging than physically damaging, which I can definitely attest to. It's quite traumatizing. Ew.

So here's what a swarm of bed bugs can look like: (I HATE SWARMS, OF ANYTHING)








(they can live anywhere too! like ceilings.)



EW right? :)

They are NOT CUTE. NOT CUTE!!!



Why would you want this? WHY?


Blah.

I am waiting for my RD to respond to my desperate email. Maybe I'll just go bother her. Bwahhaa

James 3. And, Concerning Epicness and Leaky Faucets (Or Water Balloons).

This is a post about my thoughts on 1.21.09 - and a disclaimer, this post does in fact reflect me at my fullest and not so fullest, complete with excerpts of streams-of-past-consciousness/journal-scribbling* and all. As people who read my blog may already know, whoever y'all are (hey drop a hi if you haven't yet, I'd like to stalk you know who you are), this is indeed a blog that holds my thoughts and ramblings, be them reflections or revelations or straight up randomness. So, um, sorry if it's not what you're looking for... That's ok, because it's the world wide web and it can do anything. Except for the things it can't do. 

A two part story - one about something so wild and untameable that the one who is able to bridle it is given the title 'Perfect'... the other about something crystalline, glistening with an unfathomable pureness, because well, it is (quite unfathomable).

How can fresh and salt water come from the same spring? Only if there are 2 sources to the spring. OMG there's a demon* living in my body and it's me - I am God's enemy!** But God has made me his friend! Not only that but his daughter! Not only that but his bride!!! That's kind of unbelievable, except it's true.

This passage especially tore at my heart that day... I am often so uncareful with my words to others, particularly my family, and at that moment, my sister. How can blessings and cursings come from the same mouth? How can both a word that lifts up and a word that tears down come from the same mouth? Only if there are 2 sources... and how can someone serve two masters? He can only love the one and despise the other...

And as to wisdom... Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one that doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

I read this after Cattoma urged me to. She said "Hey! This next section is about wisdom - what we talked about yesterday!*" And so I did, not at all realizing how much God would reveal to me in the process... As a quick back-story, one of the prayer requests that I had up to that point (and still have) is for wisdom. Wisdom, basically, in knowing how to live according to God's will... so I went to this passage expecting to just find what I'd found there the other times I'd read it. Little did I know, of course as I usually don't know, how much God had in store...

Even before I opened my Bible, God started speaking to me (and why would He be limited to a book anyway? :P) The whole day, I'd been feeling something akin to a water balloon that was going to pop. And as a sidenote, that has nothing to do with bodily functions - it's just the analogy I thought of at that time :|

So I went to my room and randomly flipped to Jan 18 on a Daily Prayers for China calendar... it landed on "The City of Chengdu". And my thought was this - God, how could you have used me so? How could I ever have deserved to work alongside you in that way? I'll do all the menial work, I'll sweep and clean the ground, because that's the closest thing to which I feel worthy... Yet God said to me, 'Child, even that is still working alongside me. I am there with you all the while... clearing the paths, readying the fields...' There is no task too great or too small in God's story.

Then the next thought that came to me was how much I love my parent, and how nothing I can ever do will repay them! What can I do then? I want to honor them and make them happy! How much more then would I ever be able to repay God? And how much more, more, more! do I want to please him?

I asked God how, why? Why of all creatures did you choose us humans? Why of all humans did you choose me? The hardest people, the murderers, you formed them in their mothers' wombs. The innocent child, the most loving and most hating... God you were the one who hardened Pharaoh's heart... Why then? Why did you choose me? You could have so easily hardened my heart too... and all for your glory!

The water balloon that was my heart that day - I realized how it was filled so much with tears of remorse... for the wastefulness that I saw as my life (at least parts of it. that sounds so depressing huh :P ), the terrible stewardship of what God's given to me. I looked sometimes at my actions and saw a big red stamp screaming "EPIC FAIL". Well, I don't know if it's really fail, but it's definitely epic. As fairytale and epic and adventurous my dreams (literally those REM dreams) may be, they cannot ever compare to the epicness of God's glory and of the story that He writes...

All God did in response to all my questions and tight throatedness (much like that of a frog, as I'd imagine it) was hold me in His arms... and that's all and more than I ever needed and need and will need... He allowed me a little glimpse of His everlasting love for me... haha and that's probably as much as I could have handled at that time too. Any more and I probably would have burst. Instead I just leaked a lot (again, nothing about bodily functions) Yea, I was pretty emotional... (God can use anything for His glory! Even PMS. :| ) and somewhere from the depths of my puddles came this thought - Jesus was an emotional man. 

My only clearly understandable response was this - I can't understand how glorious God is, no matter how much I ramble about it. That's awesome! That He's too awesome for comprehension. And that's awesome! That He allows us to have little glimpses of Him! Thank you God, only your hands would let me leak so beautifully. Not that I'm beautifully leaking, but that these tears are in awe of you... My smallest and my largest... they can only be beautiful when they're for you. 

Mamama, thanks for 'telling me something quick' :) This was another instance in life when a wisp of a butterfly's wings lead to an awe-ful hurricane.

And here's a song that popped up on my WMP earlier - it describes God's love so wonderfully...

What If?

Jadon Lavik

What if I climbed that mountain? What if I swam to that shore? What if every battle were victorious? Then would you love me more? Would you love me more?

What if I were everyone's first choice? What if I went farther than before? What if I stood high above the rest? Then would you love me more? Would you love me more?

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do. You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do, why you do, why you do.. I'm in awe of you.

What if I ignored the hand that fed me? What if I forgot to confess? What if I stumbled down that mountain? Then would you love me less? Lord, would you love me less?

What if I were everyone's last choice? What if I'm mixed in with the rest? What if I fail what I passed before? Then would you love me less? Lord, would you, would you love me less? Oh no oh no oh no...

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do. You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do, you do you do you do...

What have I done to deserve your Son sent to die for me? What can I give? I wanna live! Give me eyes to see! The world that keeps changing there's one thing that I know is true. Your love is staying, there's nothing else I hold on to. 

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do. You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do, why you do.

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do. You say I belong to you, I'm in awe of why you do... I'm in awe of you, I'm in awe of you...

The way you love me... The way you do... The way you do, the way you love... You love me, you love me! The way you do, the way you do, the way you love me! The way you love...

* edited for the general population 

** from MNO - God was our greatest enemy until He made us His friends

Mice

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D:

Well that's slightly disturbing.


Also! Instead of just your normal computer mouse, you can buy the vacuum mouse!



Made to pick up dust and grime from underneath your mouse. Works better than cleaning the mouse old-school-way. One time, I put lotion inside my mouse to prevent squeakiness. It worked for a day.